After Victory: A Searching for Glory Novel (A Second Chance Love Story) Read online

  After watching little Jack smash cake into his face, John and I took our beers out to the porch. Julia and Chris had gone back to the house, hiking through the foot of snow that covered the cornfield between the two houses. The younger kids were playing an old board game inside and Glory was putting Jack to bed.

  It was a peaceful night.

  “You two have a good thing goin’ here,” I said, wondering if John appreciated how lucky he was. If I could’ve gone back in time, I would’ve reminded myself everyday how lucky I was to have Vic and the kids.

  “I’m sure I’ll screw it up eventually,” John replied.

  “You better not.” I glared at him and punched his arm. “Glory is like a sister to me. You better treat her right every second of every day.”

  He grabbed his arm. “Ow. Geez. Settle down.”

  “Do I have to separate you boys?” Glory asked, joining us on the porch. She was covered in several layers of clothes.

  “We were just talking about you, actually.” John reached up and pulled her into his lap. When she smiled at him, it was obvious that she was madly in love.

  “I was saying that you two should enjoy these moments now. Wait until you add another kid to this mix. You’ll never have a quiet moment.” I started to take a drink of beer, but then I caught an exchanged look between the two of them. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

  The looks on their faces was enough, but John added, “Yeah, I knocked her up again. Whoops.”

  “You sure sound like you feel bad about that,” I said, eyes narrowing at him. “What did I just tell you about treating her right?”

  “Calm down, killer.” John’s hand moved over her stomach. “I’m thrilled about the news.”

  “If you were really thrilled about it, you’d put a ring on her finger.” I punctuated my point by slamming my beer.

  John’s face hardened. “Talk to her about that. I’ve been trying for two years.”

  “What’s wrong, Glor? Not sure if this guy is the one you want to be with forever?” I grinned. “Can’t blame you if that’s the case.”

  “It has nothing to do with him,” she said defensively. “I just don’t think it’s that big of a deal. Like putting a ring on my finger is going to change anything.”

  Up until that point, I had been doing well. Usually at family gatherings, I ended up missing Vic and feeling depressed. But this evening it hadn’t been that way. I had thought about her, sure, but it hadn’t made me sad. I had thought that maybe I was starting to heal. But hearing Vic’s sister say that she couldn’t see the point of marriage reopened the wound.

  “It changes everything, Glor,” I said, unable to keep the rising emotion out of my voice. “Look, I can’t tell you what to do. I made the same mistakes as both of you, getting Vic pregnant and thinking that marriage wasn’t that important. But the second we got married, I wished that I had done it sooner.”

  “Why, Jake? You guys already lived together, already had kids. You already knew you would be together forever.” Glory stopped, that last word hanging in the air like a sharp icicle threatening to fall on us.

  “That’s why. Because there’s no such thing as forever. You have the chance to marry your best friend. Hell, Glor, you could marry the person you have loved since you were a kid. How many people get to do that?” I realized that I was starting to ramble. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your happy news.”

  Glory watched me with worried eyes. “I miss her, too, Jake. I know time is supposed to help, but it doesn’t. I miss her more with each passing day. When I found out I was pregnant, she was the first person I wanted to tell. I even reached for my phone…”

  “I’m going to check on Jack and the kids,” John said, patting Glory’s knee.

  She came over and sat in the chair next to mine. We were both quiet for a long time after John was gone, together in our grief.

  “He worries about you,” she said at last.

  “John?” I looked at her in surprise. “Why?”

  She smiled sadly. “He just wants you to be happy. I think he’s worried that you aren’t going to move on.”

  “I’m moving on, Glory. Maybe not as fast as people think I should, but I’m trying. I’m doing better.” I found myself feeling defensive. Grief was supposed to be a personal thing, but somehow everyone thought they got to weigh in on it.

  “Do you still go see her every Saturday?” she asked bluntly.

  I nodded. “I miss her. Is that a crime?”

  “If it is, we’re both completely guilty.” She looped her arm through mine and took my hand. “Jake, I think you’re doing an amazing job with the kids. All four of them are doing so great. And you gave up the farm for stable pay and more hours to be at home. Johnny says you are the best employee he has.”

  “But?” I knew the other shoe was about to drop.

  She took a breath and said, “But I’m not so sure you’re doing a great job with you.”

  “What the hell does that mean, Glor?”

  “It means, when is the last time you went fishing with the guys? Or the last time you sat and watched a football game? You haven’t gone on a single date.” Glory looked at me with pain in her eyes. “It kills me to think that we’re all moving on without her. It doesn’t seem fair. But we have to do it. All of us. Including you.”

  When I didn’t say anything, she added, “It’s what Vic would want.”

  By the time I got the kids home and into bed, I was thoroughly drained. Raising kids was hard, yes, but being a widower was thoroughly exhausting. When Vic was still alive, we would lie in bed and talk for hours after a long day. We would take turns remembering different details, laughing about ridiculous things the kids had said or done. Somehow the burden was easier with someone right there by your side. I wanted her there, lying next to me and commiserating.

  I wanted her back.

  She was the last thing I thought of as I drifted to sleep and the first thing when I opened my eyes in the morning. When I looked at our children, I saw Vic. I saw her in the way Marta laughed with her mouth wide open and in the way Christopher bit his lip when he concentrated on his homework. I saw her when J.J. helped his sister put on her coat and most of all I saw her anytime I looked at Julia.

  She was the spitting image of her mother at the age when we first met. I often found myself staring at her, convinced that I was actually seeing her mother. She caught me on more than one occasion, demanding to know why I was staring.

  The day after Glory’s lecture, Julia caught me again.

  “Stop staring at me, Dad. It’s so creepy.” She tossed her hair and furiously stabbed a fork into the meatloaf I had prepared.

  “Sorry. I was just lost in thought. I didn’t mean to stare.” I turned back to my own supper and wondered if Glory had been right. Was I so busy taking care of the kids that I had forgotten to take care of myself?

  The next day at work, as a further sign that the universe was conspiring to fix me, John brought up the idea of us going out for a few drinks to watch the game on Thursday night. Glory would watch the kids, he said.

  I didn’t see how I could say no to an offer like that. I loved my kids, but I loved them better when we had some time apart. The town only had one bar that had enough televisions to broadcast the games, so it was easy to figure out plans for the night.

  “So this is how adults spend their time?” I said, looking around the crowded bar. A waitress sat two cold beers in front of us. “Where are all the little people that are constantly screaming and vomiting?”

  “The screaming and vomiting will come later, but it won’t be from little people. It will be from large, scary men.” John’s eyes flashed a mischievous sparkle. “When is the last time you watched a game from beginning to end?”

  “Before Vic got sick,” I said. “I’m not sure I can do this.”

  John laughed. “I’ll ease you into it slowly.”

  “How far along is Glory?” I asked, trying to make up for
my less than ideal reaction to their news.

  “About five months. We have an appointment tomorrow to find out the gender,” he said. “I feel like an idiot for not even noticing she was pregnant.”

  “Men aren’t exactly known for noticing things,” I said with a laugh. A movement near the door caught my eye, causing me to turn my head.

  Kate had just entered the bar and was speaking with the hostess. Without even thinking, I raised my hand and waved. She spotted me and offered a hesitant return-wave.

  “Who are you waving at?” John asked, turning to search the room.

  “Kate. I think she’s looking for a table.” I waved to her again. “We should offer her a seat with us.”

  “We should?” John looked at me in surprise. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

  I shrugged as Kate headed in our direction. “Sure. We have plenty of room.”

  “Hi,” Kate said, shyly approaching the table.

  “Kate. Are you looking for a table?” I gestured to the empty chairs on either side. “You should join us.”

  “Oh, no. I couldn’t.” Her head shook quickly. “I just wanted to grab something to eat. I forgot that the games are on tonight.”

  John pulled out a chair. “Jake is right. You should join us.”

  “That’s okay. I can eat up at the bar. I see an empty seat.” She tried to back away.

  “Nonsense. We can’t let you eat alone.” I flagged the waitress. “She’ll be joining us. Kate, what would you like to drink?”

  “I guess that’s decided,” she said as she settled into the seat.

  A few minutes later, I was regretting my impulsive decision. The three of us were having a hard time finding a topic that wasn’t incredibly uncomfortable. Our solution was to drink as quickly as possible.

  “Your little boy is adorable,” Kate said to John after her third beer. “He looks just like you.”

  “Thanks. We’re expecting another one soon.” John looked surprised that those words had come out of his mouth.

  “Really? Well that’s just wonderful.” Kate slapped a hand on the table. “Breaking up with me is the best thing you ever did, John Carter.”

  At that, we all took a drink.

  “I promise, I’m not bitter,” she said with a laugh. She had a really nice laugh. “The two of you clearly belong together. I just worry that you were my last chance.”

  “No way,” John said quickly. “You are an amazing woman, Kate. You’ll find some great guy and you won’t even remember me.”

  I nodded emphatically. “He’s right. He is completely forgettable.”

  “Look at Jake here. He’s a great guy.” John’s mischievous twinkle was growing. “He’s available. Has a good job, with an amazing boss by the way. He’s a fairly decent dresser and occasionally has good wit.”

  “Thanks, John. You should feel free to stop talking at any point.” I kept my eyes away from Kate, concentrating on finishing my beer.

  “What about the baggage?” she asked with a skeptical look. “Four kids, dead wife. I’m not sure I want to sign up for that.”

  It was the most direct anyone could’ve been in that moment, but I found myself laughing. “I didn’t want to sign up for it either, but no one gave me a choice.”

  “Life has a way of doing that – signing you up for things you don’t want.” Kate took a big drink and slammed her beer bottle on the table. “I’ve had too much to drink. How am I going to get home?”

  “That’s an excellent question.” I turned to John, my own designated driver who had been matching me drink for drink. “Thoughts?”

  He grimaced. “Glory has the kids. I guess I could see if she can have Julia watch them while she picks us up.”

  “We shouldn’t call her. It was nice of her to take the kids for the night, I don’t want to make her chauffeur us around, too,” I said.

  John grabbed his phone. “I know someone. Give me a second to make a call.”

  He left the table and stepped outside, leaving me alone with Kate. I struggled to think of something to say that didn’t involve my dead wife.

  “How’s work?” I asked, immediately wishing that I had come up with something better. That was easily the most boring thing I could’ve said.

  “Good. Business has been booming lately.” Kate had opened an art boutique downtown. She made everything herself, from paintings to sculptures to woodwork. It was actually quite impressive. “Hey, there’s this art show in Barrington next weekend. I don’t know if that’s your type of thing, but I have an extra ticket.”

  “An art show?” My heart did a weird fluttering thing. “Are you asking me on a date?”

  Kate laughed. “I guess I am. What do you say?”

  That was a loaded question. It would be easy to say yes. I had every right to go out with a woman. I even enjoyed art. But saying yes to this offer wasn’t really that easy. Aside from how I felt about dating again, what would the kids say?

  “We can just go as friends if that’s easier,” Kate offered, seeing the distress on my face.

  “No.” I had made up my mind. “That’s not necessary. I just need to make sure someone can watch the kids.”

  “So… that’s a yes?” She had been staring down at the table, but now she glanced up at me through her eyelashes.

  I smiled. She really was cute when she looked at me like that. “It’s a date.”

  Five minutes later, the bill had been paid and we were all waiting in the parking lot for a ride home. I felt like a teenager that had broken curfew.

  “Are you sure about this ride thing? This feels weird.” I rocked nervously on my feet.

  “It’s fine. He’s used to this kind of thing.” John waved to a car that had pulled into the parking lot. The driver stopped in front of us. Their window was open and John said, “Hey, Dad. Thanks for picking us up.”

  I was a 35-year-old man about to get a ride home from my best friend’s dad. Not only that, I had just accepted a date with the woman that used to date my best friend. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any stranger, it did.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Glory

  Watching five kids always sounded like a good idea until I was actually in the middle of it. My nieces and nephews were great kids and I loved them very much, but after a night alone with them I was ready to move back to Hollywood.

  Getting them all to stop yelling and crying was a minor miracle. Getting them to agree on a movie to watch or game to play was cause for a celebration. I found myself wondering if this was what every night would be like when the baby was born and we were no longer a family of three.

  “Aunt Gloria. Can I talk to you about something?” Julia looked at me nervously from the kitchen doorway.

  “Are the kids fighting again?” I guessed. “I thought they were in bed.”

  “They are.” Julia laughed softly. “That’s not why I’m here.”

  I let out a sigh of relief. “Good. Sit down and I’ll make you some tea.”

  Julia took a seat at the kitchen table, pulling her skinny legs up to her chest and hugging them to her body. When she sat like that, she looked like the little girl I remembered curling into my lap for snuggles.

  I put the kettle on the stove and joined her while I waited for it to heat up.

  “What’s up, kiddo?” It felt good to sit. I couldn’t remember if I had sat at all since the kids showed up at my place hours ago.

  “I don’t know if I should be talking to you about this, but I can’t talk to my dad about it and Mom isn’t here so…” She sucked in a deep breath. “I think Grayson and I are ready.”

  “Ready?” I asked, wondering if I had missed a few words in her rant. “Ready for what?”

  “You know.” She fixed me with a level stare. “Ready to have sex.”

  I froze, every inch of my body unmovable for several seconds. My mouth formed a small circle and I let out a rush of air that sounded like, “Oh.”

  “We’ve been dating for
a while now, and we really like each other.” She seemed unfazed by my sudden paralysis. “The winter formal is coming up, and the timing would be perfect.”

  “Slow down.” I managed to hold up a hand. “I need to process this.”

  The kettle started whistling and I was glad for the interruption. As uncomfortable as this conversation was for me, I knew that it was important for us to have it. Julia needed a woman’s perspective and she didn’t have a mother anymore. She just had an emotionally damaged, spastic aunt. I needed to get this right, but I wasn’t sure I was qualified.

  When I returned to the table with the tea, she looked at me with expectant eyes. It was my turn to talk. “I assume you know about the birds and bees?”

  She nodded. “Mom had that talk with me when I was like, 10. Plus I’m a teenager, so I’m not a total idiot about sex.”

  “Actually most teenagers are total idiots about sex,” I muttered. “You know that if you aren’t careful, bad things can happen?”

  “I’m not going to get any STDs. It will be the first time for both of us.” She wrapped her hands around her mug. “And we are going to use a condom. Grayson already bought them.”

  I didn’t know if I was supposed to be proud of her for being careful or horrified that she had already put so much thought into it.

  “That’s smart. But you know that condoms aren’t always effective.” I felt like one of those horrible PSAs from the 1980s. “You could still get pregnant.”

  “How old were you the first time you had sex?” she asked bluntly. Julia had never been a shy child.

  I was trapped. Did I lie to her to help discourage her from heading down this path, or did I tell the truth? I thought about what Vic would do, and I knew I had to be honest. “I was your age. Sixteen.”

  “Was it with Uncle John?” For the first time, she seemed a little bashful.

  “It was.” I had already started on the honestly path, so I had to keep going. “But we had known each other for ten years. We had been dating for two years. We loved each other.”

  “Gray and I have been together for almost two years. We love each other.” She took a long sip of tea, the steam momentarily hiding her face. “Shouldn’t my first time be with someone I love? Do you regret your first time?”